Add the rinsed lentils and water to a medium saucepan. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer, uncovered, for 20 to 25 minutes, or until tender but not mushy. If needed, add more water to keep the lentils submerged. Strain and set aside.
Meanwhile, bring a medium pot of water to a boil. Add the cauliflower florets and boil for 7 minutes, or until fork tender. Strain.
Preheat the oven to 400F. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper or silpat.
Add the cauliflower, cooked lentils,½ cup of the rolled oats, ground flaxseed, garlic, lemon juice, olive oil, paprika, cumin, sea salt, cayenne pepper (if using), and black pepper to a food processor. Pulse 15 to 20 times, or until the mixture is chunky and all ingredients are well incorporated, stopping to scrape down the sides halfway through pulsing.
Transfer the mixture to a large mixing bowl, and add the reserved ½ cup rolled oats, chopped kale, chives, cilantro, and hemp seeds. Use a spoon to mix well, ensuring all ingredients are evenly dispersed. The mixture should be damp but able to hold its shape.
Use a ⅓-cup measuring cup to scoop out and compact ⅓ cup of the mixture. Firmly pack the mixture into the measuring cup. Then, shake out and form into a patty that is 1-inch thick and just shy of 3 inches in diameter. Transfer to the lined baking sheet. Repeat with the remaining mixture. You should have about 14 patties. (Note: the uncooked mixture is damp and can be a bit challenging to form and compact into patties, but I promise they're worth the effort.)
Bake the patties for 23 to 25 minutes, or until the bottoms are golden-brown and they feel gently set but not firm.
Remove from the oven and cool completely on the pan before moving. They'll continue to firm up as they cool.
Serve these cakes over a smear of your favorite sauce (we love these with bitchin' sauce), tucked into soft pretzel slider buns, or however you prefer.